


The Notebook of Teachers'

by TheAwesomeWriter



Series: The Notebook [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 11:26:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4664823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAwesomeWriter/pseuds/TheAwesomeWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do the Teachers of Hogwarts get up to when Harry, Ron and Hermione are off on their adventures? How do they always seem to know what is going on? They have a Notebook of course. This... is that notebook.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Philosopher's Stone

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Professors' Point of View](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/139707) by alittleinsane963. 



**The Notebook of Teachers'**

* * *

**Disclaimer:** _Harry Potter, all related concepts and anything you recognise do not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them to bring you this story - and for my own personal enjoyment - as they actually belong to J.K. Rowling. Any OC's and things you do not recognise, however, are copyrighted to me, KingdomHeartsNerd._

 **Rating:** _Teen. May venture into Mature later on._

 **Pairings:** _N/A_

 **Genre:** _Adventure/Humour_

 **Warnings:** _None._

 **Story Summary:** _What do the Teachers of Hogwarts get up to when Harry, Ron and Hermione are off on their adventures? How do they always seem to know what is going on? They have a Notebook of course. This... is that notebook.._

 **Thank You:** _With permission from alittleinsane963, I am writing my own version of this._

* * *

Chapter 1 - lines up after _**The Boy Who Lived** _ and with **_Letters From No One_ ** and **_The Keeper of Keys._**

**Snape**

_McGonagall_

Sprout

_Flitwick _

Dumbledore

* * *

_I haven't heard from you since Privet Drive, Albus. Are you back? It's a new school day tomorrow. I am not running the school if you're too hung over to do so! I have lessons to teach!_

He's back. Horace has just handed in his notice; he learned that Lily had - no, I still can't say it - and walked out.

_Oh. Lovely(!)_

_You're cursing him in words that no human should ever say, right?_

_If you have to ask, you already know the truth. With the mood I'm in, you should be lucky it's not YOU I'm cursing._

Minerva, I will be running the school tomorrow, but potions lessons are temporarily cancelled.

_Are things that bad? _

Yes. Oh, look. Dougal McGregor has just died.

_Explicative deleted. Explicative deleted. Explicative deleted. Explicative deleted. Explicative deleted._

Minerva!

* * *

**_MANY YEARS LATER._ **

_Albus, I swear to you, if I have to put another letter in another egg, I AM going to kill you. Send someone. Now._

Not yet. The time's not right.

_Infuriating old-!_

The school year's not even started and you're already threatening Albus, Minerva? I thought Elphinstone would have calmed that temper a bit.

_Pomona, do not mention the dead husband!... Oh, that looked like it hurt! Minerva, stop your students from casting any more spells at the seventh year! He's already a badger; he doesn't need welts to go with it!_

**On to a more disquieting note. Potter. He comes to Hogwarts this September doesn't he? Probably as egotistical as his father.**

_Provided I don't have to put another letter in another egg, then yes, Severus, he does. And, of course, providing I don't have to insert an egg upon your person with a spoon ill equipped for the task!_

**...**

_I thought that would shut you up._

The last of the Potter's... back where he belongs.

_Don't go giving him an ego like his father, Pomona. You remember the sleepless nights we had when he was at Hogwarts!_

_Well, Horace never did. He could sleep through an Earthquake._

He did. Last year. In Nepal.

Now, Minerva, I'm sure you can get at least one letter to Harry.

_Fine. Fine! I'll take Horace's tried and trusted method. I'll bomb the house with letters._

* * *

_**DAYS LATER.** _

_Albus. Dursleys. Letter. Do something. NOW! They're running from us. They are on a rock. In the middle of the sea. In a storm. WITH LIGHTNING! IS THAT A GOOD ENOUGH SITUATION FOR YOU?_

Yes. I've sent Hagrid to fetch Harry.

_Hagrid!?_

_Pomona, get out of the Greenhouses! I've just seen Minerva blow like a top - and the spells are coming your way. _

I heard the boom. I have rescued my plants and I'm squatting by the lake.

_Oh. Oh, yes. Yes, I see you! I'm waving!_

Oh, I see you too! Hello Filius!

_AFTER ALL THOSE LETTERS I SENT - AFTER ALL THE PLACES I HAD TO SHOVE THOSE INFERNAL LETTERS - AND YOU SEND A HALF-GIANT TO BRING HARRY POTTER, THE SAVIOUR OF THE WIZARDING WORLD, BACK TO WHERE HE BELONGS!? IF YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT FROM THE START YOU COULD HAVE SENT ME, ALBUS! I'D HAVE DONE IT IN HALF THE TIME! APPARATE IN, A KNOCKOUT SPELL OR TWO AND BADDA BING BADDA BOOM HARRY IS WHERE HE BELONGS! BUT, NOOOOO, YOU SENT HAGRID!_

Minerva. The above tirade is why I didn't send you. Chess?

_Go burn your beard on Fawkes's feathers._

Oh, Hagrid has just written to me.

And?

Apparently the weather's bad.

_And?_

He got Harry.

_YES! _

At last!

**Yipee(!) Forgive me for not leaping with joy. Bad back, you know?**

_Finally! Party in the staff room! And Severus?_

**What?**

_Cheer up. It's only seven years. You survived seven years with one Potter... surely you can survive ANOTHER seven with another one?_

**I hate you.**

_Consider it payback for YOUR Hogwarts years and your constant hexing of Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew!_


	2. Chapter 2

**The Notebook of Teachers'**

* * *

**Disclaimer:** _Harry Potter, all related concepts and anything you recognise do not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them to bring you this story - and for my own personal enjoyment - as they actually belong to J.K. Rowling. Any OC's and things you do not recognise, however, are copyrighted to me, KingdomHeartsNerd._

 **Rating:** _Teen. May venture into Mature later on._

 **Pairings:** _N/A_

 **Genre:** _Adventure/Humour_

 **Warnings:** _None._

 **Story Summary:** _What do the Teachers of Hogwarts get up to when Harry, Ron and Hermione are off on their adventures? How do they always seem to know what is going on? They have a Notebook of course. This... is that notebook.._

 **Thank You:** _With permission from alittleinsane963, I am writing my own version of this._

* * *

Chapter 2 - lines up with **_Diagon Alley_ and _The Sorting Hat_** ** _._**

**Snape**

_McGonagall_

Sprout

_Flitwick _

Dumbledore

**_Quirrell_ **

* * *

_**S-Sorry to i-interrupt, but I-I thought y-you may b-be i-interested to kn-now, Minerva, t-that I c-came across P-Potter and H-Hagrid in The L-Leaky Cauldron.** _

_You're quite right, Quirinus. Tell me everything._

I thought you were with your brothers and nephews?

_Where did you pop up from, Pomona? To answer your question - I'm in California on a beach with my brothers, nephews, great nieces and great-nephews. I'm using a book to disguise this! Speak, Quirinus. Now. Do not make me come down there and curse you._

If you must know, Minerva, I am in Greece. I'm collecting Dragon Dung for the new school year.

_Lovely(!) Keep it off my books, Pomona._

_**V-Very w-well, M-Minerva, I shall inform you. It goes like this...** _

* * *

**~Four Weeks later.~**

Oh, how nice to have a song about the Founders this year; remind me to give the hat an extra wash.

_Will do._

**If I may interrupt? I see the evil spawn in the crowd!**

_Malfoy? Yes, me too!_

_Minerva, just how are you-?_

_You don't want too know, Filius, believe me._

**I was referring to Potter, Minerva, and you know it!**

Heaven help us if he has his mother's temper.

And, no, Minerva, I will not do the Sorting for you if that has just worried you.

_Don't worry; it hasn't. I've been doing this job for thirty four and a half years now, Albus. I've seen people like Widdershins come and go and survived that, I can survive this. Now, names... hat on the head..._

Oh, two Hufflepuffs right off the bat! Welcome, welcome! I shall come and give you all hugs later!

_Ah, my first new Ravenclaw. That'll be Deuteronomy's son, I believe._

That's another, Filius. Brocklehurst isn't familiar to me. Minerva? Filius? Severus?

_Muggleborn, Pomona. I visited her parents myself._

Ah, that explains it. Oh, she'll be wonderful to teach; a brand new mind to enrich with the Wizarding World. Ah, a Gryffindor!

_The name is familiar, but for the life of me I can't think why._

_Isn't she Winifred Widdershins' granddaughter?_

Winifred Widdershins?

_Tall girl, ginger hair, a most disruptive influence - went on to become an alchemist._

**_Ah, y-yes, I r-remember her. B-Blew h-herself up t-ten years ago, d-didn't she?_ **

Oh, so you ARE speaking tonight, Quirinus? You were being awfully quiet.

**_J-J-Just w-watching, P-Pomona. N-Need to kn-now m-m-my s-students for t-the y-year._ **

**It wouldn't be Bartholomew Brown you're thinking of is it, Minerva?**

_Severus, I could kiss you. It IS._

**Ah, my first Slytherin. It would be Berkowitz Bulstrode's daughter, wouldn't it?**

_Maybe she won't be so bad, Severus. He did marry a Muggle, after all._

**Yes, and then stabbed her repeatedly after she failed to give him a son.**

Well, I think that's enough of that, Severus. Ah, Pomona, Mr Finch-Fletchley is yours I believe.

I missed that, Albus. Thank you!

Pleasure.

So, the Irish boy? One of Minerva's, d'you think? Or yours, Filius?

_Oh, Minerva's I think. I heard one of the third years mention that he has a predilection for blowing things up._

Ah.

_And just what do you mean by that?_

Never you mind.

_Ah! Minerva's he is! I managed to avoid the explosive child this time. Good luck, Minerva._

Anything is better than Henriks from last year. What is he up too now?

_He's King of Cicero, I believe. Oh, this should be interesting. The Hat's been going for two minutes now._

_Could it be?_

**A hatstall? Pettigrew was the last one, wasn't he, Minerva? Could we have three in eighty years?**

_Eighty? I'm fifty six, Severus, not eighty!_

_Sorry to interrupt, Minerva, but the hat's moving._

_Albus, you owe me five galleons. I told you we wouldn't get one this year._

I'll pay over chess, Minerva. Isn't it Neville Longbottom now?

Frank and Alice's boy? Has it really been eleven years?

_ He looks so nervous. _

_And he took the hat; he's definitely Frank's child - and a Gryffindor to boot._

**He's certainly gotten the Longbottom rotundness, hasn't he?**

Be nice, Severus! Where did the MacDougals come from? We've never had one at Hogwarts before!

_ That's because they're Russian; Vladimir MacDougal is the latest in a long line that emigrated when William the Conqueror invaded. _

**Let's just hope we can understand her then. Oh, I've got another one - Bulstrode, Crabbe, Goyle, now Malfoy. Oh, how lovely(!).**

Mr Malfoy could buck the tre-never mind.

**Told you. The moment a Malfoy gets sorted into a house other than Slytherin is the moment that family stops being pure-blooded.**

 Ah ha! I got the Moon! Pay up, Filius! That's the entire family since the founding of Hogwarts.

_Raincheck, Pomona. My money's in my office._

_**M-Mrs N-Nott's looks e-evidently didn't p-pass to y-young Theodore.** _

Nor Miss Parkinson, apparently. Wait... What is this?

_Twins? Split?_

_That hasn't happened in years! It was Brenda and Boris Bottomburp on the last occurrence; forty eight, the year after me! ... Pomona, stop snorting! You'll set me off._

Minerva!

_Right... next name._

Perks?

**_T-That's a n-name y-you don't h-hear v-very o-often._ **

_Maybe the family have forgiven Hogwarts for Headmaster Black expelling the entire family for one girl's idiocy?_

I never did find out what she did.

I wasn't teaching here then; I didn't join until 1925, when Dippet replaced him and hired me as Transfiguration Teacher. All Armando ever said to me was that she did something that involved poison darts, a sugar bowl, a harpoon gun and a band of babboons.

_Well... I will be watching Perks very closely. Pomona, she's a Hufflepuff - keep an eye on - hang on - look - the next one. HE'S HERE!_

**Yay(!)**

_**S-Should we s-start hailing h-him?** _

_I don't think there's any need for that, Quirinus. Pomona?_

Quite right, Filius. So, where will he go?

_Not Hufflepuff. No offence, Pomona, but no Potter has ever been a Hufflepuff._

_Maybe Slytherin?_

I think Severus would commit murder.

**Minerva...**

_You deny it?_

**Of course I deny it! I'd be much more subtle.**

If I didn't know that you were joking, Severus, I'd be more worried.

_Well, Severus, you won't have to commit murder. I've got ANOTHER Potter._

**Shall I hand in my notice now, Albus, or later?**

Not accepted. You have a "Until I die" contract, Severus.

_Mr Thomas's father died, didn't he? I'll have to offer the lad my condolences._

_I don't think he ever knew him, Minerva. Mrs Thomas has remarried since then._

Walter Turpin's daughter made Ravenclaw? Wasn't he so stupid that he had to repeat his first year five times?

_Eight times, Pomona._

Eight? Did I miss three?

_We kept him away from Herbology as he passed that every year; we made him sit just the other classes._

_ I distinctly remember that you actually threw a party and got completely and utterly plastered after he left, Minerva. _

I always wondered what the party was for.

_Another Weasley._

**Oh, joy. Remind me to thank Molly Weasley for having so many children. And the Black Widow's son comes to Slytherin. I do believe that's the last of them...**

* * *

**~Four minutes thirty six and a half seconds later.~**

_The hat's back in your office, Albus._

Thank you, Minerva. Time for my speech, I think.

_ Well, that's no different than usual, Albus. Still making yourself appear eccentric. _

A peaceful year.

_We have the Philosopher's Stone in the school, Pomona. If Potter is ANYTHING like his father, it's going to be anything but._

Yaaaaay(!) Note the sarcasm, Minerva.

_I did, Pomona. We'd best rest up. I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting year._

**Joy.**


End file.
